


Parental Procedures

by KarliMeaghan



Category: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Genre: Babies, Children, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Parenthood, Slash, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-25 11:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarliMeaghan/pseuds/KarliMeaghan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of snippets between Nicholas and Danny as they tackle parenthood together.</p><p>Part 1: Nicholas and Danny discuss possible baby names.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paperwork

If there was one thing Nicholas Angel was good at (and to be fair, there were many things he was good at), it was organization. He just felt safer having everything written down, sorted into lists and categorized accordingly. He did this with shopping lists, police station supplies, time tables, gardening, and now, the name of his future child. Though he and Danny had easily settled on a name were they to have a boy, they were currently at odds over their potential daughter’s name.

“Danny, no. It’s ridiculous.”

“No it’s not, it’s brilliant! And it’s got meaning behind it.”

" _Irene_ has meaning behind it, which is why that will be her first name. But...this is not going to be her middle name.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a silly thing to name a child after; imagine if she found out what the origin of her name was, she’d be humiliated!”

“You don’t know that! She ain’t even born yet, ya can’t go givin’ her personality traits already-”

“Okay, then _I’d_ be humiliated.”

“But it could be a special meaning just for us; anyone else asks, we can just say it’s from _Harry Potter_ or summat.”

“...”

“Y’know, the name of-”

“ _Harry Potter_?”

“Y’have read _Harry Potter_ , yeah? I’m not gonna ask if you’ve seen the movies, I know you probably haven’t.”

“No I have not read, or seen, _Harry Potter_.”

“...”

“Those books are for _children_ , Danny.”

“...”

“Danny, how old were you when these books came out?”

“...s’not the point, Nicholas! They’re classics! Everyone in England has to read ‘em, it’s the law!”

“Danny, as a man who has more than a passing familiarity with the English legal system, I can assure you, it is not.”

“Okay, fine, but it should be! You never even gave ‘em a try?! You’re gonna be a dad in a few months! This is required reading material for all parents!”

“Again, I don’t think it-”

“Look, I’ll tell you what, I’ll make you a deal: we won’t give Irene a middle name, or at least not that one. But in exchange, ya hafta at least try to read the books. Okay?”

“...fine. Because as important as it may have been, I am not naming our daughter after my peace lily.”

“Fine. I’ll go get the first one.”

“...you own the books?”


	2. New Recruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny worries about being a good father; Nicholas puts his mind at ease. Extremely fluffy fluffiness ensues.

The party, if you could call it that, was in full swing, and the guest of honour was sound asleep in her cradle upstairs, having been cooed at by every guest who arrived at Nicholas and Danny’s home. A large banner reading IT’S A GIRL hung in the hallway and guests milled about eating snacks and talking about everything from the baby to the recent thunderstorm to the latest crime spree to hit Sandford (someone was swiping the “Out Of Order” signs from every restaurant and shop in town). Nicholas’ mum was delighting the Andes with stories of his childhood, much to his chagrin, and whatever Doris was talking about with Danny’s cousins was causing them to snicker like naughty children in church. 

Nicholas circled the room, picking up the odd dropped napkin and empty plate, trying not to be too bothered by the mess he was sure to have to clean up later. He entered the kitchen to deposit the trash in the garbage, and found Danny sitting at the counter by himself. He was scrolling through his digital camera’s photo album, an odd, almost sad look in his eyes. Nicholas walked up behind Danny and glanced at the camera’s screen. Photo after photo of Irene scrolled by: Irene in her cradle, Irene in her car seat, Irene in both of her fathers' arms, Irene crying, Irene smiling (Nicholas chose not to tell Danny it was probably just gas), Irene sleeping. Nicholas couldn’t help but smile; she was only three days old yet she had already taken up most of the space on Danny’s memory card.

“She’s beautiful,” Nicholas said, laying a gentle hand on Danny’s shoulder. The younger man started, as though pulled from a dream, then nodded slowly. Nicholas squeezed Danny’s shoulder and tentatively asked, “Danny, are you alright?” 

Danny shrugged a little and gave Nicholas a weak smile, shutting the camera off and setting it aside. Nicholas took the hint and took a seat next to Danny.

“She’s so perfect,” Danny whispered after a moment. Nicholas nodded and beamed at Danny, but he noticed Danny’s sad expression as he said, “I just...I just don’t...want to...screw up.”

Nicholas prepared to say something, to comfort and assure his husband, but he sensed Danny had more to get out, so he thought better of it and stayed quiet.

“What if I’m no good at it?” Danny asked after taking a moment to collect his thoughts. His voice wavered at the end, and he paused before clarifying, “What if I’m no good at bein’ a dad?”

Nicholas felt his heart break a little and he quickly reached out his hand and took Danny’s hand in his. Danny continued.

“My dad...he killed people; he tried to kill me. I thought he was a good bloke, but he just snapped; like there was a darkness in him, so close to the surface that all it took...what if I’m like that? What if I put my own needs ahead of Irene's, or do really awful things but convince myself it’s for her own good?”

Danny’s voice was shaking and Nicholas could tell he was close to crying; he felt the same way and he silently cursed Frank Butterman; but shared anger towards the former police chief was not what Danny needed at this moment. Nicholas squeezed Danny’s hand reassuringly, blinking away his tears before Danny could see them.

“Danny, you are not your father,” Nicholas began. “You’re so much better than he was. You have a goodness and a kindness in you that he didn’t have. It’s because of that light that you were able to breakthrough my darkness.”

Danny looked like he was about to protest, maybe insist that Nicholas wasn’t as bad as he was making himself out to be, but Nicholas pressed ahead before he could say a word.

“I don’t know what Frank was like growing up, and I don’t know how much your mum’s death changed him, but Danny, I know you’re not the same man. You have an inner strength and a...a sense of loyalty and love. Frank made people worse; you make people better. Frank saw every little fault as an intolerable crime; you see the good in everyone and strive to bring it out for the world to see. And you’re not just a product of his parenting, you’re the result of your mum’s hard work too, and from what you’ve told me, she was a wonderful parent.”

Danny was smiling a little now, and Nicholas knew he was succeeding.

“I love you,” he said. “Irene loves you, and we are both so lucky to have you. You will be a fantastic dad, and I am so happy we’re doing this together. You keep me from being too serious, and I like to think I keep you grounded, and together we’re going to raise an amazing child.” 

Danny’s face broke out in a grin, which Nicholas gladly returned. For a moment they sat in the kitchen, saying nothing, just smiling at each other as though sharing a brilliant secret. 

“Love you too,” Danny whispered, kissing Nicholas softly on the lips. Then he stood up, pulling Nicholas up by the hand and then into a big hug. 

“C’mon, let’s get back to the party,” Nicholas said as they pulled apart.

“Yeah,” Danny agreed. “I wanna hear your mum’s story about you throwin’ up on the clown again.”

“I was _three_ ,” Nicholas sighed, following Danny into the living room. “And that clown was terrifying; even now it-”

He was cut off by the squawk of the baby monitor, sitting in a place of prominence on the mantle place where all could hear it. Irene’s wails cut through the din of the room, silencing most of the guests, who turned to the monitor as though expecting it to do something. Danny picked it up and turned it off, then headed towards the stairs.

“Don’t worry, Nick, I got this,” he said without turning around. He was surprised, though not unpleasantly so, when he felt Nicholas’ presence close behind him.

“How about we get this one together?”


	3. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The supercop meets his match.

Danny had just got through the front door when he heard Nicholas’ voice call out urgently.

“Danny! I need your help!”

Danny quickly set the groceries on the floor before dashing to the kitchen. Judging from the tone of his voice half, Danny half-expected Nicholas to be covered in blood or at the gunpoint of a crazed killer. Instead he found his husband perfectly safe, crouched in front of Irene’s highchair, spoon in one hand, jar of baby food in the other. Irene looked up when Danny entered and smiled brightly, a smile Danny was always happy to return. Nicholas turned around, worry etched on his face, and Danny’s smile disappeared.

“Danny, she won’t eat,” he said, moving the spoon full of mushy green stuff towards her mouth. The baby closed her mouth as soon as she saw the movement and turned her head this way and that, trying to avoid the spoon entirely. Nicholas gave a world weary sigh and stood up. He turned to Danny and slumped in defeat.

“What am I doing wrong?” he asked, placing the food and spoon down and resting his head on Danny’s shoulder. “I explained to her in very clear terms why she must eat this food. I know she’s hungry, so why won’t she eat? It doesn’t make sense.”

Nicholas looked up as he felt Danny shake with repressed laughter. 

“Nicky, she’s a baby,” he stressed, picking up the jar and peering at its contents disdainfully. “She’s not even a year old, ya can’t expect to reason with her like ya would a suspect.”

Nicholas leaned against the counter and buried his face in his hands.

“Secondly, this,” and here Danny held up the jar of food that dared to call itself “Pleasant Peas”, “smells disgusting, probably tastes worse. Just cuz she’s gotta eat baby food doesn’t mean she’s gotta swallow this stuff.”

Danny chucked the jar in the sink, then went out to the living room and brought in the bags of groceries. He placed them on the counter, then pawed through one before plucking out a bright orange jar labeled “Sweet Potatoes”. He offered the jar to Nicholas, but he wouldn’t take it.

“She won’t eat it if I feed her,” he said morosely. “She doesn’t trust me because of the peas.”

Danny rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh at the sight of the badass supercop looking so defeated by a baby; a baby who, for her part, was watching her fathers with bright eyes and a big smile, completely unaware of the anguish she was causing one of them.

“Nicky, stop bein’ so dramatic,” Danny said, leaning in close to Nicholas’ face so that his nose brushed against Nicholas’ ear, tickling him. “Lookit her, she loves you. She ain’t gonna be turned off you just cuz you tried feeding her stuff you think is healthy. I mean, I’m still here, and you’ve been trying to feed me healthy crap for years.”

At this Nicholas laughed, unable to maintain his sourpuss expression. Irene heard him and giggled, clapping her hands. Danny handed Nicholas the jar of baby food and the spoon, then gave him a light peck on the temple.

“Go on then, give it another go,” he whispered, nudging Nicholas forward. Nicholas crouched down in front of Irene and opened the jar. He had to admit, the orange mush inside smelled much better than the green mush he’d been trying to feed their daughter. He dipped the spoon in and took out a small amount of orange goop. Danny crouched down beside him.

“You’re gonna be a good girl and eat for your daddy, right Irene?” he asked, holding one of her small hands in his. Irene gurgled and looked from Danny to Nicholas. The spoon hovered a few inches from her face and Nicholas slowly moved it towards her mouth. To his surprise and relief, Irene opened up and let him feed her.

Later that night, Nicholas and Danny watched as Irene drifted off to sleep in her crib. Nicholas looked over at Danny and smiled softly.

“Thanks for having my back today, partner,” he whispered. “I couldn’t do this without you.”

Danny grinned.

“You’ll never have to.”

**Author's Note:**

> The details surrounding Irene's conception will be addressed later (this is not an mpreg story).


End file.
